C3PO: Behind the Chrome

C3PO aka: "See-Thru-Pio", "Threepio", "Professor", "Boo", "P Escobar"
Homeworld: Tatooine
Species: Droid
Height: 1.67 meters
Sign: Virgo
Manufacturer: Anakin Skywalker
Type: protocol droid
Affiliation: Rebel Alliance


Chapter One: The Phantom Menace

A fussy and worry-prone protocol droid, C-3PO was cobbled together from discarded scrap, old space-ship parts, and bantha-poodoo - salvaged by Anakin Skywalker. With limited resources, the droid that Anakin built was truly remarkable. It lacked an outer shell, though, and Threepio had to live with the indignity of being "naked," with his parts and wiring showing.

This traumatic time in the droid's life would later color the bleak saga soon to begin. When C3PO befriended Padmé Naberrie of Naboo, he met her astromech droid, the blue-and-white droid R2-D2. The two fell in love immediately, and, soon became official "counterparts" in a ceremony held on Tatooine. Great tragedy ensued as the droids were separated; R2D2 left the planet with Anakin Skywalker, and that is when C3PO ran away to the desert to live with the Tusken Raiders.

It was at this time that C3PO became known as "threepio", a nick name he picked up for the sandpeople (in their language it meant "big electric weiner"). Threepio explored his inner cravings, and became one of Tattooine's best known robot porn stars. After years of "buffing his chrome" as he liked to call it (exclaiming "thank the maker" at climax), Threepio's drug addiction, and fragile inner wirings had become badly damaged; on set, he had a critical meltdown, killing at least three members of the cast.

He lost his job as a porn star, his girlfriends, his home, and the entirety of his estate and savings in a well televised, but tragic lawsuit. It was at this time that Threepio decided to return to the farm.

Chapter Two: The Clone Wars

Threepio became just one of the many droids working on the Skywalker Ranch, but Shmi took special care of Anakin's creation. To better protect his fragile inner wiring from the abrasive Tatooine sands, Shmi fitted Threepio with discolored and mismatched coverings that nonetheless gave the protocol droid a sense of completion.

Tragedy struck the Lars family when Shmi was abducted by savage Tusken Raiders, in retribution for what they viewed as theft of their love-robot. After Anakin slaughtered the raiders, threepio wisely kept his mouth-slit shut and moved in with Artoo-Detoo - finally reunited with his long-lost love.

Artoo-Detoo encouraged Threepio to enlist in the space-navy, and together they were assigned to the same unit. One night in military camp, Artoo admitted his love, and slipped into the supply closet with Threepio, tugging the protocol droid's head off his now inactive body and reattaching the two of them together (robot sex). As Threepio's electronic brain tried to process the new feelings he was having, he likened the unsettling body-swapping to a peculiar dream he once had in the desert home of the Tuskan Raiders.

Chapter Three: The years between

Years later, Threepio and Artoo would become the property of the Royal House of Alderaan, an influential family of nobles with ties to the growing Rebel Alliance. The two droids were obsessed with Princess Leia Organa. Often times, their "closet time" would put threepio wearing a princess leia mask they had obtained from eBay.


(it's true, once you sleep with a droid, you never really come back from that.. there's no way, not even with a mind-wipe; once you did it, you did it)

When the Tantive V was attacked by an Imperial Star Destroyer due to suspected complicity in Rebel actions, the vessel was crippled, and it was then, that Leia and Artoo's sordid affair became public. The princess had often stored vital Rebel information inside of Artoo -- unbeknownst to Threepio. When the ship faltered, Artoo then took it upon himself to flee with large amounts of embezzled cash from Leia's estate, though Threepio knew nothing of its details.

Artoo stole one of Leia's escape pods, and rocketed away from the captured craft, crashlanding on the barren desert world of Tatooine. There, the droids were taken captive by Jawa traders, and sold to moisture farmer Owen Lars and his nephew Luke Skywalker.